Me-my faithful friend

Yesterday I was inspired by a very dear friend in relation to this post. I want to explore how we can be true friends to ourselves. As we care for us, then we are far better equipped to reach out and give to others.

You may wish to look at the two previous blog posts which link to this.

So what are the ways we can do this?

1. Take time for fun. The work/play balance is ultra important. Read a book, write a blog, go see a film, walk in nature. And sometimes do this alone. Spending time getting to know ourselves is extremely important.
2. Spend time with friends. This connectivity will help take us out of ourselves. Again; go for a walk, chat and very importantly laugh together. And share your concerns with those you love. And for those of you who drive a lot, finding a “conversational buddy” may be very helpful. One can have a lovely long conversation using hands free technology. I think this is especially helpful on long journeys, as it prevents fatigue.
3. Eat healthy and nutritious food. There are numerous blogs on healthy eating and I think our diet is ultra important. Drinking enough fluid is also very important.
4. Sleep pattern. This is vital to our mental wellbeing. Ideally, go to bed at regular times and before midnight. And if you can’t get to sleep for twenty minutes, then get up and read a book, or do something peaceful, but not looking at a screen.
5. Consider emotional support. If you are struggling emotionally, then consider getting some professional help, such as a therapist. We can so easily become stuck and may not be able to see the wood for the trees. Free therapy is available via the GP in the UK, or if you can afford it, then a qualified counsellor/therapist is a wonderful thing.
6. Journaling is a wonderful way to get your thoughts down. Writing can help us see just how we feel about a situation. Just sitting and thinking is such a lovely thing-I love to have a good think. And we can look back on memories and see how things have changed over time. Writing a daily journal can be very helpful indeed, or even a diary.
7. Writing goals is especially helpful in that it gives guidance around where we are headed. I think this is particularly true oi written goals. That way we know our destination.
8. Setting boundaries is a very helpful way of managing life and well-being. Personal boundaries around how much we are prepared to offer in our relationships with friends and family. Professional boundaries too-I try not to work way into the evening because I am not productive. But I start my day early and ensure that I get enough sleep.
9. Use of social media. I have really come away from this because I don’t feel it is particularly productive. Maybe spend some time thinking if your connection to your phone is healthy and if some adjustments need to be made. I also think when we are with friends and having a conversation, it is a good idea not to be glued to our phone.
10. Love yourself. I have put this last but really it is the top priority. We all have a relationship with ourselves. Pamper yourself and if your inner voice is negative or destructive, then I would encourage you to really examine this. Being kind and loving towards ourselves is, I would argue, the bedrock of all our relationships with others.

These are just a few thoughts. Please add any ideas that come to mind. And as always, I welcome any comments ,even if you don’t agree.

Our blog community is growing-I now have 194 subscribers, so I am very excited about nearing 200. I am so very grateful to you all, especially those who have walked this blog journey with me for a long time.

Happy Thursday everybody -Hope X

Engagement not excuses

I have recently been reflecting on friendships in this ultra busy era. What is a friendship and how can we really be connected with one another with so many pressing demands on our time? I have needed to delve deep and ask myself: what kind of a friend am I? And: what do I want from a friendship?

So here are some thoughts and as always I value comments and suggestions. I wonder if friendship means different things to different people. And for some people family life may take priority. So perhaps friendships are different in certain stages and seasons of life. For example, for single people friendships may be especially important and for a married couple maybe less so, but this is speculation not fact. When one is facing bereavement I do feel that friends are very important-as a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.

Do friendships change? Inevitably yes. Life happens, people move away and sometimes people change. Relationships are not static. I think sometimes we may outgrow people, or feel differently towards them. Lifelong friendships are precious but not a given. Sometimes we just don’t want to be viewed in the same way, or maybe taken for granted. And sometimes sadly a realisation gradually dawns upon us that the people we thought of as special to us are actually toxic! And what once seemed healthy is in fact the antithesis. By this I mean coercive or controlling behaviour which is actually abusive.

So do friendships end-yes. Do friendships always continue? No. How  then do we walk away?

I think it is very important to be real and examine our motives. Do I want this person in my life? And my real deal breaker now is: does this person make me feel special or am I feeling bottom of the list?-another way of describing this is the phrase “also ran” as my mum once said. In my mind “also ran” means the last placed horse so you are effectively an afterthought. We have all probably done this and I am writing this to myself as much as anything. Please, please let us not do this to one another, because it is heart-breaking to experirnce this at its worst.

That is a horrible feeling and that for me is one reason I may choose to walk away. We invest in others and they in us and if a friend is simply too unavailable, then I think it comes down to addressing the stark fact that I may not be important to them because they are not prepared to give time to connect with me. I really try and offer opportunities to connect, although sometimes I appreciate I may not be the easiest person to connect with as I am very busy. However I do try to be open and honest and as available as I can be.So how is this post making you feel? Does this resonate with you? I would love to hear about good/bad friendships and when you may have called it a day.

I find relationships utterly fascinating. I will post more on these issues in the future.

And to my new subscriber-you are most welcome and I hope you enjoy the blog X

The joy of conversation

Recently I have experienced something beautiful. I have shared many conversations with a fellow human-some short, some much longer and this has got me thinking…

I wanted to explore how we utilise time and how we can connect more powerfully with one another. In a world where social media is so dominant, can we counteract this?

I would say a most definite yes. I have started to talk more and text less. I often use voice messages now. There is something rich and very meaningful about the voice. There are nuances, shades of meaning, subtleties. The way someone clears their throat or pauses before they respond. Soft tones, sharper tones; the voice is a rainbow of different expressions and is a fascinating thing.

Car journeys have become a pleasure now, with conversations of much duration-hands free of course. From the banal to the profound-weather, diet and how is your day going?

The epidemic of loneliness in society can be combatted by such human interaction and connection. I would argue that social media often disconnects rather than connects-I don’t relate to many things that are put up and I then feel “other”, an outsider looking in.

One of the saddest memories I have in this respect, is iof a couple out for dinner, sitting opposite one another, totally engrossed in their phone. And sadly I have seen this more than once.

Phone use is so dominant but I am not sure this is around connection in its truest sense. My concern is that we are losing connection and simply forging paths that are very counter-productive, By this I mean we set up images of ourselves that are untrue and then we compare ourselves with this ideal and find our life wanting. That is my experience anyway.

So what do you feel? Have you experienced a truly powerful connection through conversation? Please share.

Words are a panoply of colour enriching the sky of our day. I had some beautiful words said to me this last week in the context of my work and I felt as if I had been handed a gift. I reflected and reflected on what had been said, examining my present and treasuring it.

Speaking with someone regularly means they have you in mind and they care. This dialogue builds trust, understanding and a wonderful reciprocity. And I think this is how life should be truly lived.

Today

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Alexander

I was at a London station today and this man was playing the piano. He sounded like an angel. I spoke to him and it turned out he is homeless. Such a wonderful talent.

I am learning more and more to ask people for their story. To speak to tent dwellers and pavement dwellers and not walk by.

Let us learn about one another so we can do acts of kindness and love. In this way we bring so much light into a dark world.

A kind surprise

Today’s example of kindness took me by surprise. I went to the car wash at a large supermarket this week and went shopping and lo and behold had only £10 in my purse which I needed to pay for the shopping. I had left my payment cards at home.

I explained to the man at the car wash what had happened and he said it was fine and even offered me money to buy my shopping! I was really shocked. This made my day. I didn’t take the money but this gesture in itself was so utterly generous and caring.

In these days of adversity, especially in the UK, such acts are turly heart warming.

Please share any acts of kindness you have had this week-have a lovely weekend everyone X

Nine to go

I like to do a regular update and thank you to everyone who has followed contributed and read my blog. It has slowly but surely increased and I am very grrateful to you all.

I now have 191 followers and I would love to smash the 200 barier (I remember when I reached 100).

This year is about kindness so when I get to 195, the next five followers will get a shout out and I will promote their blogs and the 199th can write a guest slot-preferably on kindness!

So please subscribe and help me reach my goal.

I really appreciate you all becauyse without readers it wouldn’t be a blog.

Love to you all, whichever country you are in X

A simple act of kindness

Yesterday I took a train. Unfortunately I had a coughing fit while travelling. A man who was sat near me reached over and [assed me a Soother (I did already have a packet but couldn’t access them dur to my coughing so heartily!) He then passed me two more.

No words were exchanged and I don’t even know the man’s name. But if you happen to me the man with the beard on the train to St Pancras yesterday-THANK YOU! I was so grateful that you helped me and the coughing was helped too,

That was massive for me and stayed with me for the remainder of the day. It is easy to view kindness as grand gestures but it can be very simple tiny and unacknowledged gestures that make most impact.

So if you are on a train and someone is coughing and you have cough sweets-consider offering them, or a bottle of water. And a further thank you to another kind man who offered me his seat while I was waiting for a bus on the same day. A shout out to the kind males in our community.

Have you experienced kindness from a stranger? Do share

Let’s talk about dyspraxia

This year’s theme is kindness and I wanted to share about my own journey with dyspraxia. This isn’t often discussed-from my perspective dyslexia is widely spoken of (I have mild dyslexia also), but dyspraxia doesn’t often get a mention.

Dyspraxia is more commonly known as Developmental Coordination Disorder DCD. It is defined thus:

“difficulty in performing coordinated movements, often associated with a neurodevelopmental condition in children (developmental coordination disorder).”

However it is far wider than this. With mr, it impacts upon my organisation and structure-so yes I am often late, get muddled about dates and appointments and can seem “scatty”. I struggle to follow directions and cannot read maps.

What are the positives? From my reading around this subject and my own experience, people with dyspraxia are very hard working and great to have in the workplace. I give 150%.

I also know what it is like to feel very different and “less than” so I have developed empathy and I always try to show kindness to others.

And what lessons can qwe learn=how can we treat people with dyspraxi?

Firstly-please don’t judge. I may be late or make a mistake around a birthday but I do my best. My brian is not a neurotypical brain and I have a condition that makes it difficult for me to organise. I am messier than others and find it hard to keep tidy. Soem people are clumsy, so please don’t laugh at them.

Any other readers with dyspraxia please sharte. It isn’t the same for everyone. I find it very helpful when people don’t treat me as if I am stupid, which I am not. I am very intelligent but my brain works in a different way.

I hope you don’t mind my being so open. I think it is important to speak about matters such as this. Let’s be kind and patient to those with additional needs and disabilities.

As always please feel free to comment or share your thoughts.

References:

https://www.bing.com/search?q=dyspraxia&cvid=300c08eb651147e882cc4d8f043a439a&aqs=edge.0.69i59j0l8.2805j0j4&FORM=ANAB01&PC=SCOOBE

(Accessed 02/07/2023)

Kindness and authenticity

Today I wanted to explore a very important aspect of kindness that I have touched on before; being our authentic self. I would like to turn to the work of Dr Gabor Mate, who has been a real inspiration in writing this.

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?&q=gabor+mate+youtube+ted+talk&qpvt=gabor+mate+youtube+ted+talk&mid=20AC34C9E092684D8FAD20AC34C9E092684D8FAD&&FORM=VRDGAR

The video is very interesting and thought provoking. I won’t expound as I think Dr Mate is a leading expert, however I will add my take.

If we are in a job that is not a fit and we know this or playing a role in our friendships then this is not healthy. Being true to oneself sometimes my mean leaving a toxic workplace or relationship. This is not an easy path. But the alternative is to be at odds with our very essence.

Kindness to self means being honest and real with ourselves and others. Being authentic is sometimes very hard and can lead to conflict, but it is the best route to take to health and wellbeing.

I am going to be looking at kindness to self in more detail and digging into some stuff around trauma as so many of us are battling with mental health at the present time.

And being authentic, I have dyspraxia and struggle with IT. So please forgive the links that I couldn’t work how to delete! Any followers reading please advise how to do this.

I hope you enjoy the video!

References

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?&q=gabor+mate+youtube+ted+talk&qpvt=gabor+mate+youtube+ted+talk&mid=20AC34C9E092684D8FAD20AC34C9E092684D8FAD&&FORM=VRDGAR

https://www.bing.comvideos/riverview/relatedvideo? . Accessed 04/06/2023

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?&q=gabor+mate+youtube+ted+talk&qpvt=gabor+mate+youtube+ted+talk&mid=20AC34C9E092684D8FAD20AC34C9E092684D8FAD&&FORM=VRDGAR

Examining our motives

Recently I have been reflecting on exclusion and inclusion and thinking about FOMO fear of missing out. So today I wanted to explore this further.

When we enjoy life we want to share it on social media. We show the celebrations, parties, events, holidays and so forth.

But some people are really struggling at the moment, don’t have any money in this cost of living crisis and are barely managing to make ends meet. Or facing other hardships. Is there a way we can support one another and not make each other feel worse about our situations?

I think it comes down to sensitivity. We all want to share our joys and sorrows with friends but if the motive is to make another person feel lesser than or excluded then that is not kindness. It is not always possible to get it right, but thinking about how another person might feel if they are not having the easiest time is a very good starting point.

And if you are struggling and finding it hard to look at other people’s joys, then maybe come away from social media for a while. This gives you the chance to focus on your own life for a while. Social media is a tool not a necessity.

Inviting someone round just to check they are okay is a really helpful thing when someone may be lonely or sad. There is a mental health crisis at the current time in the UK and life is hard for many many people.

I think it is really important to consider our impact upon others. If we are prospering then that is great but perhaps reflect on how we can share this with those who are not having an easy time-maybe just giving to a food bank or charity or doing some volunteer work. And let’s be supportive to friends, particularly those who are struggling. Reach out to them to see how they are getting on.

We can’t always include everyone but let’s be mindful of people who are on their own and also those who may be overlooked. Making someone feel special is a real gift. The opposite-making someone feel excluded or lesser than is unkind and this can very easily happen.

So let’s examine our motives and maybe consider our impact upon those around us. Are we making someone feel included or excluded? Especially family members that we care about-are we giving time to visit or call?

As always comments are most welcome. And a huge welcome to new followers and thanks for reading.