Saying no is not being unkind

What does it mean to be kind and yet to say no? is it unkind to say no when someone asks you to agree to something? How do we respond?

My view is that sometimes when it doesn’t feel right it isn’t. And saying yes to please another person isn’t the best-it has to work both ways. People pleasing isn’t ultimately healthy. And in some respects it is unkind to myself not to look out for my own interests. It isn’t being selfish to be kind to oneself.

Setting boundaries– sometimes people may ask things of us that is outside our comfort zone. This may stretch our resources or time and ultimately be detrimental. I believe that we can only give when we are in a good place and there is nothing wrong with holding back sometimes.

And what if it jeopardises a relationship to say no? If a relationship is healthy it will stand. The other person may expect you to agree and may be surprised when you say no. But if they then take umbrage with you, I would argue that is their problem, It is very easy to get into unhealthy territory and saying no is just being honest, as long as it is done in a respectful manner.

I would usually always try and help another person but I have realised over time this is not always possible and sometimes I am not the right person to help. I think that saying no sometimes is positive because it shows that one is truthful and honest about what can and cannot be offered.

Kindness is really important but kindness does not mean always saying yes. I think this is perfectly illustrated with children. Children may desperately want a new toy and sometimes this is not possible and saying no teaches them to accept boundaries. Children who always get what they want do not learn the value of having to wait or that no means no. And I would argue this is not ultimately the best way of helping them navigate the world,

As always, please feel free to comment or disagree. I am sharing some thoughts and really welcome your views.


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